A couple of months ago I received an email from Caleb Anderson asking if I’d be open to him writing a guest blog post on addiction and the effect it can have on a marriage. I honestly don’t know much about addiction, having never experienced it myself or suffered through it with someone close to me. But, I can only imagine how it could wreak havoc on not just the addict, but on the relationships surrounding the addict. So, I invited Caleb to submit a blog post and it is full of helpful information. Please take time to visit his website. And, my dear friends, if you or someone you know is suffering from addiction please seek help.
The Hidden Dangers of Drug Abuse
It is well accepted that drug abuse can cause long-term physical and mental damage without treatment. However, something few people discuss is the impact drug and alcohol use can have on a relationship. Drug addicts tend to have more relationship issues and engage in more sexually risky behaviors than others. This, according to ABC News, may be due to an active DRD4 gene, which can trigger thrill-seeking behavior in the brain.
Regardless of the cause, repairing a relationship after an infidelity is difficult and is made even more so when drugs and alcohol – and all the things that go along with them– are involved.
Helping or hurting?
As found by the National Institute on Drug Abuse, there are more than 24 million Americans suffering with addiction at any given time. And many of these continue to do so through the enablement of their spouses. There are a number of reasons that a partner might continue to aid or ignore these types of behaviors. Fear of being alone or triggering unpleasant emotions are the most common. Allowing these behaviors to continue only exacerbates the problem and can lead to further marital issues down the road, including lying and cheating, which addicts often do as either a means to obtain their fix or as a distraction from the reality of hurting a loved one.
The first step toward mending a damaged relationship is to seek help. And while the infidelity is an issue that will need to be addressed, the addicted person must face more intimate issues on their own. If you are seeking to help a friend, loved one, or partner with addiction you must speak with them about your concerns. Don’t initiate a conversation while they are using and let them know you’re confronting them with care not castigation. The following tips may help open up the dialogue:
- Avoid hostile tones. An addicted person may get defensive when they feel as though they are being accused.
- Be aware of treatment resources available locally. Have available the telephone number for your local chapter of Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous.
- Consult with other close friends or family members who may be able to provide additional support.
- Point out the ways in which your spouse or partner’s drug use is affecting not only you but may likely damage their career or relationship with children.
The Health Encyclopedia of the University Of Rochester Medical Center explains that addiction is a brain disorder and, as such, requires professional intervention for healing. Keep this in mind as you talk with your loved one. It often helps to look at addiction as a disease and infidelity as a symptom.
When Happily Ever After Ends
Even with an open heart and a clear understanding of addiction as a disease, some relationships simply can’t recover from an affair. When the infidelity has led to the birth of a child, an emotional attachment to the other person, or has resulted in contracting an STD, it may be time to take the high road and ride away from the relationship. If the deception has killed the love that once held you together, try to keep your cool and don’t fall apart. Avoid the temptation to badmouth your partner to friends and family – especially if you have children. Speaking of children, don’t get them involved until it absolutely necessary and make a conscious effort not to use them as leverage.
For some, an addiction-related infidelity may be a new beginning. Once the addicted partner is in recovery, the couple can both move forward with a clear mind and, hopefully, a clean slate. If you or someone you love is struggling with drug addiction and infidelity, don’t hesitate to get help. A simple phone call could save not only your relationship, but your loved one’s life.