I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard from my female friends the myriad of reasons their husband’s “healthy” sex drive is literally driving them nuts. Rarely do I hear how thrilled these women are to have sex every time their husbands have the urge. There was a time when I’d be right there with them, complaining and wishing I could just sleep each night instead of feeling obligated to satisfy, what seemed like, my husband’s neverending sexual needs. Yea, I remember viewing sex as an obligation and not a gift. That, my friends, is truly sad.
I’m 45 years old and singing a new tune now. My drive is still less than my husbands, but the entire way I view sex is different than the way I viewed it in the past. Yes, I still want to sleep some nights instead of having sex. Yes, sometimes my husband and I are on different schedules when it comes to desire. But now, I respond to him differently regardless of my initial reaction to his desire for sex. When I see that he desires physical intimacy with me, I stop and focus only on him and put aside my initial desires to sleep, watch a show, or my basic LACK of desire for sex. I focus on my love for him and relish in his desire for me. Then, and only then, do I decide to respond with like actions of physical intimacy. This process helps our connection be so much stronger during the actual act of sex, but it also allows for pure enjoyment and love to flow through.
No longer is it a chore or an obligation – it is a gift and a blessing. Now, don’t give me too much credit because some nights I do choose sleep over sex. But, my response to Steve is full of love and acknowledgement of his needs. He then responds with love and grace. It’s all about how we respond that makes all the difference.
I decided to write about this because just last night I chose to sleep rather than have sex. I just wasn’t “feeling” it. I feel awful about that today because I realize what I missed out on. That closeness and intimacy with Steve is such a gift and when it’s not here, I miss it. And, because I chose to separate myself from him, I bet he’s feeling that lack of intimacy today as well. This is all due to my choice. I truly wish I would have chosen differently.
So, next time you feel like your husband has way too large a sex drive, why not consider that a gift instead of a curse. Try to look at it differently and try a new process of thinking through the blessings of physical intimacy with your spouse. Don’t believe that this can work for you? Read this article and see how this has been a gift for other wives, too!