When your marriage has gone through rough patches like mine has, it’s easy to let fear and worry creep in when it comes to whether your marriage is on solid ground – especially after an argument. Fortunately, Steve and I don’t argue often, but when we do my heart races and the fear and anxiety creeps in and whispers in my ear such awful things as “Is this going to make him pull away again?” or “What if we can’t get past this?”
I know myself well enough to know that I have a tendency to ask him WAY too many questions after an argument to make sure that we are “okay.” He gets extremely frustrated with me when I do this, but I do it only because I’m desperate for assurances from him that everything is okay with us and that we are not heading back down the awful path we were on before. And, when I say I’m desperate, I mean it. That is really what it feels like as my heart races and I feel so crazy and anxious. It’s awful.
This is a great article by Shanti Feldman (click HERE to read it) where she explains to you guys out there why reassuring your wife is so important. The truth is, for you men out there, most women need this to some degree (not all as much as me, I’m sure). We (women) thrive on reassurances from you and I doubt any of us tire of them.
This has been a bone of contention with my husband as I’ve tried to help him understand this aspect of who I am (yes, I sent him this article to read . . . and he did). He said it made sense to him and I hope that will help him be more understanding when the questions come. You see, this is not insecurity based on anything he has done (which is why he gets so upset about the questions), it’s a constant need to be assured based on who I am and what I need.
Here is a great quote from the link I posted above:
In eight out of ten women, when something’s not right between her and her man, it is difficult or impossible for them to get it off her mind. As several women put it, “When we’re at odds, nothing is right with the world until the issue is resolved.”
Is it bad to be relieved that I’m not the only one that feels that way? I guess men and women are just inherently different creatures and this is a prime example.
HUSBANDS . . . please assure your wife of how much you love her and do it often. It can’t hurt . . . it can only nurture and strengthen!