These were critical chapters for me. Were they for you? I was fortunate to have already taken the “Five Love Languages” quiz with my husband before I read this book. That helped us tremendously as we tried to understand how to better love each other. If you have never read the book (“The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman) or taken the quiz, I encourage you to click this link and take the online quiz – http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/.
As a disclaimer, let me also encourage you to either take the class, if it’s offered, or at least read the book in addition to taking the quiz. There is much more beyond just finding out what your love language (and your spouses love language) is. You need to go deeper to find ways to demonstrate your mate’s love language every single day. We tend to show love to our spouse the way WE want or need to be loved – that makes sense because we often give to others what we desire ourselves. This quiz/book helps us recognize each other’s needs so that we can fulfill each other the way we each need to be filled.
For instance, after taking the test it showed that I desire “words of affirmation” and my husband desires “physical touch.” This made a ton of sense as I look back at times my husband would withdraw when I would be too tired for sex. In counseling he shared that he felt that my denial of physical intimacy so often told him that I didn’t love him anymore. I was shocked because that could not be further from the truth. I didn’t associate that with love for him at all. Likewise, I always wished that he would tell me he loved me without me saying it first. I know that seems petty, and I feel petty saying it, but the desire to hear him proclaim love for me with his words meant a lot to me. In counseling we began to realize these differences and things are SO much better now – I believe we both feel loved and find joy in demonstrating appropriate love languages to each other.
I encourage you to take this quiz and have an honest discussion about your love languages. Then, look back on arguments and struggles you’ve had over the years and see if you can identify ways that utilizing the appropriate love language could have made a difference. Maybe putting that practice in effect in the future could make all the difference in your marriage!