One of the “marriage experts” I tend to follow, both on social media and in general, is Shaunti Feldhahn. She was a speaker in one of the videos we showed during a MarriedPeople large event at our church. She and her husband shared some great information with us married folks on how to understand each other – women understanding men and men understanding women. Out of our three large events thus far, that was actually my favorite video. It shed light on all sorts of things we tend to assume about our mate – and you know what they say about “assuming” anything . . . yea, not good!
This post from Shaunti caught my eye, and in light of our adventure reading Dr. Chapman’s book on communication, I thought I’d invite you to read it (click HERE to read her post). This post really hit home for me because I’ve been guilty of having unrealistic expectations of my husband. On more than one occasion my husband has looked me square in the eye and said, “If that is what you wanted from me, why didn’t you just say so?” And, ladies, you know how it is . . . we want the man in our life to just know those little deep down desires in our hearts and make all of our dreams and wishes come true. I am sure that there are those guys out there who are just that intuitive to know exactly what the woman in their life wants and needs before she even knows. But, for most of the people on this planet, we can’t read minds. And, hence, the disappointment and frustration begins.
I’m not picking on us gals here because I think this goes both ways. We all expect certain responses and behaviors from our spouses. Usually, we tend to expect from them what we expect from ourselves. But, like one of my previous posts pointed out . . . we are not alike. My responses and behavior is different from my husbands. Expecting him to do things the way I would do them isn’t fair – especially if I didn’t communicate those expectations to him.
Over the past few years my husband and I have really opened up our communication lines and spelled things out for each other. Sometimes this is a painful thing, but it’s so worth it. Knowing what he needs from me and sharing what I need from him makes all the difference. It’s certainly much better than being resentful of my husband for not acting or responding a certain way that I secretly expected him to. Honest communication about expectations is definitely the way to go.
Shaunti puts out those “marriage Monday” posts and they are really good. And, guys, there are some directed just to husbands just like this one was directed just to wives. It goes both ways so check it out!